Too Much To Say
by Cookies For The World
Summary: Unconnected not-quite-drabbles. Pre-Kira, AUs, genderbenders, Wammy's House, crack, angst, romance, anything and everything. Will take requests. Rated T for safety. Dedicated to 0o Ri-chan o0.
1. Helpless

**Title: Helpless**

**Setting: Wammy's House, pre-Kira**

**Characters: Roger, Beyond Birthday, Near, Mello, Matt**

Hi guys, Cookie here! Yes, I know, it's been a long time. I'm not dead, and I have no excuses other than exams, Marianas Trench obsession (they are freaking amazing, and I'm probably going to post quite a few fics based on their songs), and… uh… fanfiction. I've been lurking round for a while, been writing on random pieces of paper, but too lazy to type 'em up and post. So thank **0o Ri-chan o0 **for getting me back on. This is for you, cutie-pie!

It's ironic, Roger thinks, sitting in his office at 11 pm on a Sunday night with a glass of wine and a pounding headache, that he, of all people, had become caretaker of an orphanage.

It's not that he hates children; it's just that, faced with these children, he doesn't quite know what to do. They're too smart, too adult, that it's so easy to forget their age. And it's better, too, because adults don't interfere with each other's problems, and these Wammy's House children have more than their fair share of that.

There's Beyond – he's psychotic, definitely, and there's his strange obsession with the Japanese _Shinigami_. It's not normal, and someday his fascination with death is going to land him in a padded cell, but then again he's a child of Wammy's and there's nothing he can't get if the orphanage wants it. Money can't buy many things, true, but the House can.

And Near. Like Beyond, he's abnormally quiet, but at least he doesn't have conversations with his (probably) imaginary split personality, Birthday. Still, there's something about the dead-eyed stare that sends shivers down Roger's spine, because it reminds him too much of L, or what L's corpse would doubtless look like. Near's a ghost, but he's smart enough and for that they won't send him to a psychiatrist, because we can't have records of a potential L successor floating around somewhere, can we?

And the Twin Terrors, Mello and Matt. One too active, the other too passive; an outsider would remark on how opposites attract, but Roger simply feels regret for the fact that they could not have been born with a little bit more of each other in themselves. They take everything to extremes – one aggressively violent, loud and too driven, the other laidback, practically emotionless, but loyal to the point of self-destructiveness. They'll die young, Roger knows, but despite the havoc they wreak each day, they're (secretly, under all the glares and lectures and punishments) his favourites. Perhaps it's because, out of all these precocious prodigies, the two Ms are the least _damaged_.

Still, Roger wishes he could do more for them, these unfortunate children. But he's helpless. They all are.


	2. She Loves me, She Loves Me Not

Title: She Loves Me, She Loves Me Not

Setting: Wammy's House, pre-Kira

Characters: Beyond Birthday, female A

She loves me. I know she does.

I first saw her when I was nine. She came in halfway through class – science, strange that I still remember – and when the teacher told us, "Class, this is A." and I looked at that tiny little black-haired creature, so pretty like an angel, I knew I was in love.

She's all pale skin and inky hair and delicate mouth, like a portrait. And she's smart, so smart, in class though I could answer the questions I'd rather keep quiet, just to listen to her voice.

Ah, she's so perfect, and I know I'd be good to her. I'd never, ever be bored with her, and if she would just talk to me we could have wonderful conversations about anything and everything. For her, I'd pretend to be normal. Look, I've never even used my Eyes on her, just so she'll be different from the rest. (And to be honest…I really don't want to know. She _can't_, she _shouldn't,_ because she's different. Angels don't die.) I don't want to find out her real name. I want her to come to me and tell me, because she's special. I've practised my laugh, my smile, in front of the mirror so many times, just to make sure Birthday doesn't come out. He scares me, and he'll scare her too.

And yet – she doesn't love me. She wants L – not to be him, but to be _with_ him, the sugar-addicted heartless detective. So I'll just have to try harder. I've been sleeping less, and I can see the dark bags under my eyes already. I've been starving myself – it's not anorexia, unlike what the doctor says, I'm just trying to make her _see_ me. (And isn't that what normal people do anyway? Better go ask Matt, he can Google it for me. I don't want her to think I'm a freak.) It's working; just a few more pounds and it'll be perfect. I've been dressing like him, eating like him (strawberry jam is the only thing Roger lets me have in bulk), looking like him – but it's not good enough.

So I'll just have to try harder. I don't care what anyone else says, I'll do anything for A. Because –

She loves me. I know she does. She just doesn't realise it yet.

So… Review?


End file.
